In my cozy world of energy and growth, there’s often a lot of talk about manifesting and counter manifesting. The whole subject is kind of fascinating and eye-opening. If you haven’t already, you may want to research it. In very short summary it’s basically the law of attraction. Well, it really just is the law of attraction. But there are a lot of ingredients that go into it; most of which I’ll save for another day. One of the main elements that I do want to mention though is how we speak to ourselves.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve had more than a dozen people disclose to me the way that they feel about themselves and how their self-talk supports those emotions. I’m not talking about physically, verbally conversing with yourself publicly or privately for the sake of chatting or problem-solving. Although some research does suggest that habit is a sign of high emotional intelligence. (Yes! I knew I was a genius!) I’m referring to the stories that we repeat to just ourselves about ourselves. Our immediate emotional responses to our own thoughts and actions. The “yes, but” instead of the “okay, now what”. I want a better job, but… I know I should eat healthier, but… This relationship doesn’t feel right, but… You know, those.
Our relationship with ourselves is the longest and most powerful connection that we will have while on this earth. No matter who we are or what our circumstances, we are designed to be our own greatest teachers, supporters, and guides. I mean, who knows you better or longer than you? Seriously, that’s just math. We should behave as any nurturing instructor would, but we often end up treating ourselves as an enemy. If you don’t believe me, just look up the term enemy. Every “but” that we tell ourselves, every “not good enough” or “not smart enough” is speaking against ourselves and limiting both our happiness and potential. We continuously step in the ring with ourselves as a method of self-protection because we’ve built a belief that self-rejection and resistance are our best defense. In truth, we are not protecting ourselves, we’re just hiding and denying the amazing inherent gifts that are ours alone. Think of it this way, a friend comes to you after a difficult end to a relationship and says “I’m really scared to date again.” Would you ever advise them in earnest “Well you should be. You really messed that last one up. And you are pretty ugly and unlovable.”? That would be absurd! So why would you say it to yourself?!
Studies show that this negative talk that we have with ourselves can lead to higher anxiety and depression, and lower self-esteem. Inversely, low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression lead to more negative self-talk. And so the cycle continues. It’s vicious, right? Luckily speaking more positively to ourselves has an equal yet opposite effect. Not only that, but this confidence boost from healthier self-talk can actually enhance our performance, which then leads to better results. Better results influence more positive thoughts about ourselves. More positive thoughts bring about, you guessed it, healthier self-talk. A much better cycle, no? If scientific research and I aren’t convincing enough, just ask Lightning McQueen.
Okay, tree-hugger, reel it in. You get it. So now what? Like any relationship, the one with ourselves requires some time and effort to develop. Why not really listen to yourself to recognize your negative chatter about you and how it makes you feel? When you hear your own adversity, accept the possibility that what you’re saying just isn’t true. Then work to replace it with a bit more kindness and honesty. If you hear yourself say that you’re unworthy or unlikable, take a minute to question where the truth is in that. None, right? There is no evidence in this universe that says that you are less likable or less worthy than any other human. That’s just science. Take off your gloves and step out of the ring. If you find yourself criticizing a failure, try instead telling yourself how proud you are that you even tried. Trying can be hard! When you say you’re not smart enough to be good at something new, replace it with gratitude for the opportunity to learn. It’s super brave and exciting to expand your knowledge!
How much time do you dedicate to TikTok and memes? I’m willing to wager your healthy self-chatter is way more rewarding and motivating than any of those. After all you are the only person with the same interests, goals, values, and sense of humor as… well… as you. Give yourself even a little of the attention that you’re willing to give to strangers. Share with yourself some of the compassion, hope, and love that you would extend to a frightened friend. You are the only unique and incredible you that exists in this world. Be kind to yourself. Speak to yourself with patience and purpose. Let that love light shine from the inside out and just see where it takes you! As a non-stop self-chatting and self-proclaimed genius, I assure you, it will be worth it. YOU are totally worth it!
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