Human beings crave certainty. We seek safety in the illusion of control, convincing ourselves that if we manage the variables, the outcome will follow. But over-communication leads to miscommunication. Over planning leads to perfectionism. Over effort leads to resentment. In this reflection on the illusion of control, explore how the need for certainty can disconnect …
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Viktor Frankl
The Illusion of Control
Human beings are wired for certainty. We seek comfort in the illusion of control. Convincing ourselves that if X happens, Y will follow. If I explain myself fully, my partner will understand and agree with me. If I create the perfect schedule, my morning routines will go smoothly. If I take initiative on this project, I’ll be noticed for a promotion. We habitually try to anticipate problems, believing that we can avoid them or, at minimum, avoid the negative effect that they may have on us.
When this false belief of power gets into the driver’s seat, our efforts are often counterproductive. Over-communication leads to miscommunication. Over-planning leads to perfectionism and disappointment. Over-effort leads to resentment. In seeking control of an outcome, we often lose control of our authenticity and integrity, which is the only real power that we hold.
In an effort to release false beliefs, and make space for authenticity, I invite you to ask yourself these questions as you navigate your week.
How you answer these questions will give you insight into your motivation. It will tell you if you are coming from a place of authenticity and integrity, or seeking external validation or reward. You’ll know if you are acting from love or fear. If you discover that you are leading with fear, it may be a good time to restructure your efforts. Take a pause, a look inside, and open up some space in your body, your thoughts, and your expectations.
Give yourself opportunity to allow acceptance to replace force, and trust to replace urgency. Letting go of control is hard. It is also the first step to gaining it.
Your Invitation to Return to Yourself
If you feel the pull to soften your grip and return to yourself, this is your invitation.
Acceptance is not giving up. It is coming home.
And you don’t have to navigate that shift alone.
Need a Little Clarity?
Feel free to reach out below and ask whatever is on your mind.
