Emotional overwhelm often begins with nervous system dysregulation long before behavior shifts. This reflective blog explores how recognizing and regulating energy through awareness and pause supports healing, growth, and clearer decision-making in everyday life.
Reading the Room
On a recent morning my 8-year old son was putting together a robotic model hand. He had come to a challenging part that required a good deal of fine motor skills and dexterity and he was getting frustrated. His facial and body language gave away his internal dialogue “Why isn’t this working?! It’s so unfair! I should be able to do this! Why can’t I do anything right?!” Finally, after bouncing and whining, he took a deep breath and asked me for help. After 10 minutes of trying myself, I began my own internal spiral “I should be able to do this. Why can’t anything be easy? I should be making breakfast. Why is there always so much pressure? Should I even be doing this for him or am I teaching the wrong lesson?”
I can’t imagine where my son gets it from.
With my thoughts headed down the rabbit hole, my 10 year old holding his breath in anticipation of an explosion, and my 8-year old’s toes hanging over the edge of a tantrum, grace and wisdom whispered in my ear. “Hey bud,” I said “This is really frustrating, but we can definitely do it. Let’s take a break to eat and get dressed and, as soon as that’s done, we’ll take another look.” For the sake of time, I’ll just say that worked and we moved on with the morning. For the parents reading, I am not Mom Tiger, he is not Daniel, and moving forward took a few more minutes of persuasion and patience. Nonetheless, we all regrouped over scrambled eggs. And when we returned to the task 30 minutes later, I realized that he had put the wrong part in one place. With fresh eyes and calm nervous systems, we completed the first finger of his new bionic hand. Success!
Growth, healing, and learning are not emergencies, even when our nervous system insists that they are.
A Small Moment, A Familiar Spiral
The internal response that my child and I had is not an isolated incident, but rather a systemic routine that we are working to improve in our household. It’s the same response that I see in people who are working to release unworthiness that has grown from trauma, who are managing grief, who are working to complete a project or a program, or settle into the culture of a new job. Regardless of the task at hand, the scarcity culture that we live in inspires a sustained state of “take your time and hurry up” should-ing all over ourselves. With all of our glacier posters and inspirational quotes, when in the trenches of striving, aspiring, or pursuing, the truth is dysregulation and defeat are tricky temptresses.
The Cost of Urgency and "Should"
Giving into the frustration of unmet expectation, though seemingly easier, is the equivalent of rewarding yourself with a bowl of ice cream for not eating a Hershey Kiss. Luckily, for us, growth, healing, and learning are not emergencies, even when our nervous system insists that they are. And thanks to LL Cool J, we know that dreams don’t have deadlines.
As humans, we are remarkably good at finding ways to reduce discomfort and increase efficiency. From bridge to backscratcher, we work hard to avoid dis-ease. And there is nothing inherently wrong with that. But when applied to energetic and emotional healing, growth, or learning, speed comes at a cost. When we shorten time or effort, we miss experiences. We don’t learn the lessons that enrich our lives. We don’t meet the people that change us forever. We build a weak foundation that we will inevitably need to return to repair.
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response."
Viktor Frankl
Regulation Before Resolution
What happened for my son and me that morning happens everywhere; at kitchen tables, offices, in relationships, grief, and quiet moments we wonder why something that “should be” simple, feels so hard. The details change but the pattern is universal. Energy shifts before behavior ever does. Without consciousness, dysregulation can kick in and narrow our perception of available choices. What we experience as failure, overwhelm, and resistance is often simply our nervous system asking for regulation before moving forward.
This shift that took place was not compliance or competence, it was RAW inspired regulation. With the grace and support that only the Universe (and a lot of trial and error) can provide, I recognized the frustration that we were feeling, the shift in energy that had taken over our quiet home. By accepting that this moment was happening, these feelings were becoming behaviors without judgement or shame, I was able to work to find a solution. For us, that meant pausing, regrouping and returning calmer, clearer, and more capable of moving forward. So, dear friend, the next time that you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or on edge I invite you to pause. Consider what your energy needs, before asking more of yourself. Once you’ve recognized your shift, accept what is present, and work from there. Build a foundational trust with your nervous system that you can return to for comfort, not to repair.
References
- Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects. Psychological Inquiry, 26(1), 1–26. https://doi.org/10.1080/1047840X.2014.940781
- Immordino-Yang MH, Christodoulou JA, Singh V. Rest Is Not Idleness: Implications of the Brain's Default Mode for Human Development and Education. Perspect Psychol Sci. 2012 Jul;7(4):352-64. doi: 10.1177/1745691612447308. PMID: 26168472.
- Neff KD, Germer CK. A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self-compassion program. J Clin Psychol. 2013 Jan;69(1):28-44. doi: 10.1002/jclp.21923. Epub 2012 Oct 15. PMID: 23070875.
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