Those who know me well know that I am not one to discuss politics. Genuinely. Not even a person who habitually makes statements beginning with “Well, I never talk politics, but…”. I’m more of a smile and shrug, offer congratulations or condolences responder when it comes to any debatable social topic. After several years of …
Those who know me well know that I am not one to discuss politics. Genuinely. Not even a person who habitually makes statements beginning with “Well, I never talk politics, but…”. I’m more of a smile and shrug, offer congratulations or condolences responder when it comes to any debatable social topic. After several years of this self-imposed silence, which I will maintain today, I’ve learned a few realities about how people react to we few who simply smile and shrug, especially when conversations require understanding different perspectives rather than defending our own.
Most respond presuming to know where we stand on a matter. Skewed by either false consensus effect, or perceptions and prejudgments, those assumptions are often amusing. Mostly they are amusing because, no matter how confident the presumption, half will always be wrong. Some people interpret a lack of passionate confrontation or consensus to be ignorance or indifference. On a very, very rare occasion, a lack of response will be met with equal respectful silence. However, in today’s culture, reserving one’s opinion on any subject rarely hinders others from adamantly sharing their own
Why We Struggle With Understanding Different Perspectives
For me, uninhibited, and often unsolicited, receipt of varying beliefs is a benefit of restraint. It’s an opportunity to learn why people hold so firmly to their theories. A chance to witness how fervently two very similar individuals can support completely opposing positions, often without ever considering any validity of another perspective. These realities are in the foreground of current events. However, they apply to all aspects of life, well beyond political arenas or agendas.
We humans love our black and white. We cling to our right and wrong. Our convictions bring us comfort. They’re familiar, typically stemming from childhood influences, and reinforced in the families into which we are born, or those that we create. They give us a feeling of community and control. And in a world with a fiber-optic foundation, moving literally at the speed of light, there’s hardly time to consider another perspective, especially one so seemingly oppositional to our own.
Our time is limited. Our thoughts are now monitored and information is designed and targeted to support our confirmation biases and hold our attention just long enough to feed our ego, then onto the next gratifying meal.
How Confirmation Bias Shapes the Way We See Each Other
Our time is limited. Our thoughts are now monitored and information is designed and targeted to support our confirmation biases and hold our attention just long enough to feed our ego, then onto the next gratifying meal. All of the incredible opportunities that we have at our fingertips to connect us, often tear us further apart. Mahatma Gandhi is famously quoted as saying “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” In our current culture, a spark of information can become a wildfire of self-righteousness within seconds, spreading in countless different directions. With all of the poking, and all of the smoke, it’s important that we don’t lose our ability to really see each other for the flawed, yet amazing, human beings that we really are.
A few years ago, I wrote a New Year’s blog that seemed to resonate with a good amount of people. In the post, I referenced one of my favorite fables, “A Tale of Two Wolves”. The story is of a man telling his grandson about a battle between two wolves that live in each of us. One wolf is greed, envy, anger, self-pity, and resentment. The other is humility, serenity, empathy, compassion, and faith. When asked which will win, the grandfather tells the boy simply “the one that you feed.”
Choosing Love Over Fear When We Seek to Understand Others
I try to live by and often quote my favorite psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s theory of love and fear. “It’s true that there are only two primary emotions, love and fear. But it’s more accurate to say that there is only love or fear, for we cannot feel these two emotions together, at exactly the same time. They’re opposites. If we’re in fear, we are not in a place of love. When we’re in a place of love, we cannot be in a place of fear.” Much of my work encourages women to understand how fear shapes reactions and how love brings clarity again.
Knowing all of this, I have a favor to ask of you, my dear friend. I have a gift I ask you to give to yourself, from your place of win or lose. In your hopelessness and righteousness, in your celebrations and your despair, your troubles and your triumphs, turn to love. In every story, try not to only see, but also to understand all sides, not just your own. And always be mindful of which of your wolves you are feeding. If you’re ready to explore this in community, our monthly Energy Circles offer a peaceful space to practice this shift.
Need a Little Clarity?
Feel free to reach out below and ask whatever is on your mind.
