What happens when someone criticizes the work that you love? A reflection on Reiki, self-awareness, our search for certainty, and why reconnecting with yourself matters so much.
The Criticism
Outside of Dono Bella, I don’t share much on social media. The profile picture on my personal page is easily four years old and every few months I will share a dog that is up for adoption, or a friend’s accomplishment or current project to be helpful. I’m more of a background reel scroller than social sharer. Several weeks ago, however, I did share on my personal page. I posted a link to a wellness blog that had featured Dono Bella’s Reiki and Coaching work. I was genuinely touched by and grateful for the recognition, having not even known that my partner had submitted me. Many friends clicked the heart, or the hug, and some commented with congratulations or shared pride. My people are awesome.
There was one man from my past who harshly criticized my work. He expressed not only his disbelief in what I do but also made an effort to accuse me of being reckless and hurtful toward those who needed care. Immediately, my beautiful tribe reacted to him in my defense, and in defense of the work that I do. As a Reiki practitioner for more than a decade, I am quite used to criticism and dismissal, and felt no need to defend against his opinion. However, his comment did leave me a little sad.
On social media platforms, our worlds are open to all levels of people in our lives. There are close friends and confidants, acquaintances, and people who once knew us well, for whom we will forever stay in that stage. Depending on our level of privacy settings, we are exposed to those who are well intended and care for us, those who are curious, and those who will judge.
My critic was a man who knew me in graduate school, before marriage, children, and divorce. He knew me when my understanding of energy and the subtle body was still developing. He knew me when my love and enthusiasm for research had just begun. He doesn’t know me or my journey any more than I would presume to know him or his. However, his comment left me with the impression that his heart and mind may be a bit shaded and stuck. His apparent need to yuck my yum makes me wonder whether he might benefit from the very thing he criticizes.
Our lives are not designed for ease and certainty. They are messy, complicated, challenging, often painful, and equally beautiful.
What energy awareness means for you
If you know me, then you know that I enthusiastically support and advocate for energy healing and subtle body awareness. You also know that I would no sooner suggest that physical or emotional pain can be entirely healed by a Reiki session than I would that severe dehydration can be cured with a glass of water. Relying on water alone when you’re fluid deficient can be dangerous. You need additional care. That said, refusing to drink because you don’t believe in water is also pretty absurd.
The reason that I am so committed to and, frankly, in love with my work is that it is available to all of us. Our subtle body, or energy body, is the system that we have coming into this world and what we have left when we leave. Our thoughts, our emotions, and the atoms that make up our cells and tissues are all connected to energy. It is recognized by our nervous system when we repeat familiar patterns, attend a concert, are attracted or repelled when we meet someone new, and when we fall in love. It is in our language when we are heartbroken, run on empty, spread good vibes, or our head is spinning. When aware of and in touch with our own energy, we are at our best to identify our discomforts and areas of need. We are at our best to recognize and understand our patterns, our likes and dislikes, and express our most authentic selves without need for shame or blame. The work that I do is not intended to heal my clients. It is intended to meet my clients where they are and put them back in touch with themselves so that they can be at their best.
The appeal of certainty
Our current culture emphasizes a need for certainty, infallibility, and control. These are the requirements that we have attached to our comfort and safety, and not one of them is attainable. Research professor Brené Brown describes this as a culture of scarcity, in which the fear of never enoughness makes it difficult to embrace uncertainty, imperfection, and vulnerability. It is this fear that keeps us constantly looking outward for answers and understanding.
Like many, I am a big fan of three step certainty. Three ways to find inner peace. Three practices to encourage mindfulness. Three ways to calm your nervous system quickly. Our schedules are hectic, our attention spans seem to be shortening, and our uncertainty is growing. Three steps to solve all of this sound great to me. But our lives are not designed for ease and certainty. They are messy, complicated, challenging, often painful, and equally beautiful. Which, if you think of it, is pretty freaking fantastic.
The Invitation
We have so many incredible tools from so many amazing people. There are so many therapies and treatments, so much available for us to use on our journeys. None of us is one size fits all. None of our stories are the same. Your story is written and woven into your energy. Tuning into the messages that this system is telling you is an invaluable guide. It’s one that can tell you where you are holding too tightly, spinning too quickly, or giving too much. Working with this system can increase your sense of embodiment and empowerment, release anger and fear, and speak your truth with more confidence and authenticity.
I’ll never know why my former advisor needed to denounce my work. To be honest, it’s not my business. It’s not my place to judge or analyze him. It makes me a little sad whenever anyone meets joy with anger, though, and at the same time, it makes me all the more grateful to be a part of the world and work in which I live. So, in the spirit of this gratitude, I invite you, my sweet friend, to take the time to reconnect with yourself. Do all of the three steps. Find the therapies. See the dentists, the doctors, the spiritual healers. Listen to the bowls, swim in the ocean, walk with the grass tickling your toes. Tune into your own energy. Find your yum. And don’t you dare let anyone yuk it.
Need a Little Clarity?
Feel free to reach out below and ask whatever is on your mind.
